


Overthinking It

by mercurialMalcontent



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-11
Updated: 2012-09-11
Packaged: 2017-11-14 01:39:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/509943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercurialMalcontent/pseuds/mercurialMalcontent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It just figures that when Karkat finally finds that special someone he hates more than he hates himself, that person turns out to be the guy who's essentially his clone, but fifty million times more annoying.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Overthinking It

**Author's Note:**

> HUGE thanks to rainbowBarnacle and roachpatrol for the assists in getting these two wordy assholes to cooperate.

You are Karkat Vantas, and lately, you're even sorrier about that than you usually are.

It's been perigees since you first dreamed yourself into that pre-scratch predecessor dreambubble, and you've come to one, inescapable conclusion: you've finally found someone that you really, truly hate more than you hate yourself. It just figures that he's essentially your clone.

He's your clone that somehow manages to talk more than you ever have in a mild voice that is somehow more grating that your shouting as ever been, while wearing clothes uglier than anything you've ever worn, and all with a purse-lipped expression so supercilious that he makes Dave's puckered deadpan look like a saint's smile. Every goddamned time you fall asleep he's _there_ , looking down his nose at you and just waiting for you to notice him enough he has an excuse to start flapping his trap at you -- and does he give a shit what you think or what you have to say? No, he's too busy trying to pop your thinkpan with his incessant condescending blather, half of which doesn't make any sense and the other half is so wrongheaded you're struck speechless with the sheer crawling horror of your secondhand embarrassment.

You hate Kankri Vantas more than you have _ever_ hated anyone else, and right now you've just about had enough.

You don't even have a chance to orient yourself in this dreambubble before Kankri is beelining toward you like he's an iron filing and you're the biggest douchemagnet in the universe. "Oh, hey, Karkat. It's very good to see you. I've done a lot of thinking since the last time we met and I've come to some conclusions about your hemosituation that would be most beneficial for you to hear."

"Oh god no," you mutter as you back up against a tree. You glance around; there are no other trolls in sight to help you get away, but this forest memory means you just might be able to vanish if you get away.

Kankri looks down his nose at you as he steps close. "Now Karkat, I realize that you're young but it's never too early to start examining your privileges." God, you hate it when he does that, you hate how you can see every flare of his nostrils and hate how it reminds you that he's taller than you, even if it does mean you're going to have a growth spurt at some point – if you live that long. "Even ones that may no longer be strictly applicable, as self-reflection will be of an immense benefit to you as a leader."

You clench your teeth on the words that bubble up in your throat, _I'm not a fucking leader,_ as you edge around the tree. However, his campaign of passive-aggressively allowing you to have your space just means it's easy for him to follow you. "And what privileges would those be?" you grate out.

"The privilege of hiding." You gape at him, and that condescending pout that serves Kankri as a smile purses his lips. "Karkat, I know it must seem very strange from your perspective, but you need to look at this," he says, gesturing at the sign on your chest, "objectively. In having so many go to such lengths to hide your lack of caste, no one could oppress you in the same way they could oppress those on the warm end of the hemospectrum, not to mention others of unusual blood."

"What _\--_ "

He continues, "Furthermore, it is insulting to those who are proud of their warmblood status to hide amongst them, yet separate yourself from them by adopting a color that rendered you effectively casteless."

Your eyes are starting to bug out. "I--"

Kankri gives you no chance to get it out. "Now, Karkat, please don't assume I'm not aware you were doing this as a safety measure, but as one of unusual blood color I believe you were obligated to shed this..." He gestures at your sign with a little frown. "This _symbol_ that you've hidden behind. You could have done so much good educating and informing those of cooler blood about the prejudices faced by warmbloods, as well as served as an example to others of unusual blood color--"

"There WEREN'T any fucking others!"

Kankri blinks at you, as if surprised that you managed to get out a full sentence. "Huh?"

"Did I fucking stutter?" Your hands ball into fists of their own volition as you glare up into his face. "There weren't. any. other. mutants, okay??"

He takes a deep breath and lifts his chin. "Alright, I think you need to calm down now, because you're veering into cursing and, worse, slurs--"

"No, fuck you and your masturbatory blather, I am goddamned talking here." Kankri's eyes widen in outrage but you've finally found all the words your abject shock had stolen from you these past perigees, and like hell are you going to stop now. "I couldn't be an example to any-goddamned-one because, IF they existed, and that is an enormous straining herniated _if_ there, they were culled as soon as they hatched, which you would know if you actually paid attention to anything while you sat up here on your fucking cloud instead of jerking it to a list of everything we did wrong in your ever-so-objective opinion."

He crosses his arms. "If we're going to have a useful conversation, Karkat, I must ask you to refrain from, at the very least, your inappropriate references to manual stimulation, and I would appreciate it--"

"Useful conversation! Oh, you're so funny I don't know _why_ more of your ghost pals aren't falling all over themselves for the _privilege_ of you bending their ears. Hey everyone, listen to this," you announce to the trees as you gesture dramatically at him, "Kankri has been engaging me in _useful conversation_."

Kankri's left eye twitches in a way that makes you loathe him even more, because your left eye twitches in the exact same way when you're pissed. "It was useful back when you were still _listening._ "

"Those weren't conversations, idiot, they were _monologues_."

That twitch gets worse. "I should not be surprised you would resort to intelligence-based slurs, considering you didn't take the _plentiful_ opportunities to contribute your perspective--"

"Oh yes, I see it now! Wow, I'm a moron." You slap your forehead. "Every time you took a breath I had a chance to jump in and tell you how full of shit you are!"

Now Kankri's eyes are bugging out, and it would be the funniest fucking thing you'd ever seen if he didn't have the gall to look just like you, but with worse hair. However, he sucks in a deep breath before speaking, and the bastard sounds almost calm. "You're angry. I respect that. Confronting one's privileges isn't easy. But Karkat, this squabbling is getting us nowhere, and quite frankly, I find it kind of selfish." His eyes go half-lidded as your jaw drops open yet a-fucking-gain. "Now let's channel that anger into something more productive."

You fist your hands in the front of his sweater. "Oh yes, _let's,_ " you snarl before you give him a hard shove.

Kankri's shock turns to panic as he stumbles backward, then something close to fury. "How _dare_ you--"

"How dare I?" Your hands have balled into fists again and it makes you glad he's eying them nervously. "I should be asking you the same question, you loathsome little wankstain. You've been a fucking voyeur for eons, you've SEEN what I had to go through – what your own reincarnation had to go through! – and all you can think to do is lecture me on how I could have done better."

"I have insights that you can't under--"

"I have lived through HELL, you cosmic idiot." You stomp toward him and he trips over himself to keep the distance between you. "Did you live with a constant fear of being killed if you scraped your knee when someone was around to see what color oozed out?"

"I was teased very viciously--"

You bare your teeth. "Did you have to try to fall asleep listening to the bubbling screams of a neighbor being culled? Were _you_ trapped on a meteor with a murderous teleporting space barkbeast on the outside and a a couple of your own friends doing their level best to kill you all on the inside?"

"Well, I--"

"The answer is NO YOU FUCKING WEREN'T, asshole!" He backs himself up against a tree and you're right in his face. "You're a fucking cream puff, you sorry piece of incorporeal waste. You wouldn't have lasted two nights where I grew up – which is _your fucking fault_ by the way, you MADE Alternia like that you incredible shithead – and you have the goddamned nerve to tell me I should have been _nicer??_ " You grab him by the turtleneck of that hideous sweater and drag him down to your level. "I'll show you what _real_ oppression is, _motherfucker_."

Kankri blushes bright cherry red.

You stare at him, taking in that blush, his wide eyes, his hitching breath, and you burst into laughter. "Oh my god. Oh my _god_. That's it, isn't it? You sick fuck." He's getting his outraged face on again, so you jostle him hard enough the back of his head smacks against the tree. "You are so incredibly _vile,_ you smarmy little asshole," you hiss, taking poisonous glee at how he bristles. "Acting so fucking superior when you're gagging to be down in the mud with the rest of us. I _loathe_ you _so fucking much_ \--!"

You haul him against you by his sweater as you crash your face into his, all bites and thrusting tongue. He whimpers – _whimpers,_ for fuck's sake – and lets you in, his mouth soft and yielding. He paws at your shoulders ineffectively even as he presses against you like he's trying to crawl into your clothes with you. You shove him back against the tree as you thrust your tongue deep into his mouth and he _keens_ , his arms locking around you to pull you tight against him.

Kankri wants close, he gets close – you pin him against the tree, your body flush against his, a thigh between his legs as you fuck his mouth with your tongue, and to your utterly disgusted delight he's _humping_ it inside of seconds, humping it and whimpering like this is the first time he's ever had friction on his bulge. Fuck, maybe it is, maybe he's a moment away from creaming himself--

You break the kiss and grin at him. "Didn't you have a vow of celibacy?" Kankri gapes at you as that blush flares over his face again. That gaping turns to outrage as you laugh roughly and twist away from his grip. "No, fuck this, I'm not giving you one more thing for you to feel persecuted about, you conniving nookpimple." He starts to squawk and you slap a hand over his mouth. "Shut your windhole, if you want a rough fuck hump the tree you're swooning against." You turn and move, flipping him off as you do so. "Have a nice afterlife, you sad sack of--"

The last word comes out a yelp as Kankri tackles you from behind. An even more undignified sound comes out of you as you hit the dirt with him on top of you, and what do you know, shit _can_ hurt like hell when you're in a dreambubble. You struggle to get out from under him, to _breathe_ , and but then everything goes frozen as he ruts against your ass and _groans_.

You only stay frozen for a moment, but it's long enough to get a good feeling for what it's like for someone with a raging boner and no patience to hump your ass. Your blood is singing in your ears as you push yourself up and grab him by the hair. He blurts something between a yelp and a moan and scrabbles at your hand.

Kankri is so distracted by your yanking that he barely registers how you buck and squirm to knock him away until he's sprawling in the dirt beside you. You scarcely have time to roll to your side before he howls in renewed outrage and flings himself at you, fists flying every which way.

It's a good thing for your dignity that this asshole couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper sack. Even though he's raining blows down at you as fast as he can, it's with no thought to technique or even power; the ones you don't deflect are so glancing they only sting. In return, you kick at him, jab an elbow into his side, shove him onto his back and wrestle your way atop him. He claws at your sides as you shove your hands down the absurd collar of his sweater and get them around his neck.

"Is _this_ what you want, motherfucker?" you sneer as you grind your hips against his and give his neck a warning squeeze. Kankri's eyes widen and he claws harder as his hips buck up against yours and holy shit, that little scramble didn't deflate his boner in the slightest. He's also actually almost doing you some damage now, bitten-ragged nails scraping your face and yanking your hair, so you tighten your hands and squeeze hard, thumbs digging into his windpipe.

All at once the fight goes out of him, hands falling to the dirt and body going slack. You jerk your hands away and his eyelids flutter closed as he gasps for breath with this pathetic little mewling noise that tempts you to put your hands back around his throat. You stare down at him in bafflement as he turns his head to the side and squeezes his eyes even more tightly closed. A long moment later, you feel his legs twitch a little more open.

"Oh for _fuck's sake_ ," you snarl as you push yourself off of him.

Kankri's eyes fly open. "What? What are you _doing?_ "

"What are _you_ doing, asshole?" You gesture down at him."I don't fuck dead fish!"

"I-I am not acting like a dead fish!" This makes his eyes bug out all over again, and you have to resist the urge to kick him in the face. "I was simply allowing you to get on with whatever... acts you were going to perpetrate upon my person, since you so obviously had the upper hand."

Your bile sac flops over. "Oh my god. I am going to be _sick_. You are the most enormous creep I have ever met and that is really fucking saying somethAAAUGH!"

Kankri gives your leg a hard yank and you topple onto him. It knocks the wind out of you both, but that doesn't stop him from getting you by the hair and dragging your head close enough for him to wheeze into your ear, "I... made... a _vow..._ I'm not going... to break."

"Like-- Like you haven't already fucking broken it--"

"I have _not!_ "

"Oh, does it only count if you get off from humping me, then?"

He snarls and shakes your head so hard your teeth rattle. In retaliation you twist and clamp your teeth into his arm. He screams and releases your hair abruptly, and you do the same to his arm.

"You little _monster_ \--"

"Oh look, the cooking vessel is informing the water boiling device that its hue is very pitch indeed." You spit out some baabeast fibers. "That's cute coming from the guy who's so desperate to get off he's trying to manipulate me into forcing him. Hmm, what was the term for that kind of behavior, again??" You shove your face into his and narrow your eyes. " _Problematic??_ "

Kankri swallows audibly.

You plant your hands on either side of his head so you can better sneer into his face. " _God,_ you're vile," you say, your lip curling. "I can't say it enough. You're _poisonous_ , bro, a thin veneer of concern over a stinking pit of – what was that other word you liked... _selfishness_?" You bare your teeth in something vaguely resembling a grin as he flushes. "Oh, does that sting a little? Hit at some uncomfortable truths that maybe _none_ of your motives are quite so pure as you insist?"

He quivers in indignation. "You know _nothing_ about my motives!"

"Then what's with the tent in your absurd tall pants?" You grind down against him and he gasps. "Do you keep all of your piety under it or something?"

"Th-that is ENTIRELY inappropriate!"

"So is the tent pole you're poking me in the crotch with!"

Kankri snarls at you and it's so totally not threatening that you burst into laughter yet again – or you would, if he hadn't yanked your head down to mash your face against his. He's terrible at it; his teeth click against yours more often than not and he manages to slobber all over you. You try to take control because he's obviously hopeless, but he honest-to-god _growls_ and shoves his tongue so far into your mouth you almost choke on it.

You almost pull away just so you can laugh at him for only just now getting it, but you don't get far before he fists a hand in your hair to hold you there while he fucks your mouth viciously with his tongue, taking out his however-fucking-many sweeps of lonely, pointless piety on you all at once. That half-formed laugh comes out a moan you really ought to be embarrassed by, but considering who you're rubbing your bulge against at the moment you're pretty far beyond the reach of any feelings of shame.

He's right back to humping you like the fate of all reality depends on him getting off as fast as possible. Like hell are you going to let him; you grind your hips against his off his rhythm, you claw at the hand in your hair, you try to sneak a hand under his stupid sweater. He shoves you off with a snarl and flings himself onto you.

Kankri is bigger and a little heavier but you've been in too many stupid scuffles over the past sweep to let a pampered idiot get the best of you. He's on top of you for about a half a second before you punch him in the gut and smack him upside the head, stunning him enough it's easy as fuck for you to shove him over backward. He grabs you by the shirt as he goes and you find yourself sprawled half atop him again.

You don't even get half a second before you're blinded by Kankri yanking your shirt off so savagely he nearly takes one of your ears along with it. It's still half over your head when he goes still, leaving you to pull it the rest of the way off. For absolutely no reason you can tell, he's staring down at you open-mouthed, like he can't tell whether to be shocked or horrified.

"What, did I grow tentacles or something?" You look down at yourself, but all you see is an embarrassing trouser tent and the same scarred gray torso you always have.

"Th-this," he says, gesturing at your belly. "It's." He can't seem to look away. "Y-you should be ashamed of yourself for indulging in, in physical vanities when your mind is so obviously in need of improvement!"

An incredulous grin spreads across your face. "You think I'm hot."

"What? N-no!"

"Oh, my fucking apologies, I should be more sensitive to the case of lust-induced asthma you've suddenly developed." You laugh at his furious glare and fists your hands into his sweater. "Your turn, asshole!"

Kankri splutters, but he's too busy staring to do more than flail ineffectually as you pull that red monstrosity off of him – or most of the way off of him, rather, because once it's wrapped around his head it gives him something to flail at instead of you as you get to work on those ridiculous pants. He's got them hiked up so high you wonder if they've crawled up his nook and that's why he's such a shithead all of the time.

You get his zipper down just as he snarls something incoherent and he sends his sweater flying. He's panting with exertion and just about to snarl something else, but whatever it was dies as you meet his blank white eyes and you let your gaze travel downward. Over bones like yours he's built like the kind of spoiled highblood who doesn't do shit, all smooth limbs and soft roundedness instead of your brick-like solidity. You can't resist patting his belly and watching it wobble. "Wow, you _are_ a creampuff!"

"Just because I don't--"

You tug on his pants. "Lift your ass."

He obliges you while continuing to protest, "Just because I don't spend – didn't spend – whatever absurd amount of my time engaged in physical exertion just to sculpt my body--" His eyes widen as you settle between his bare thighs. "Wait, what are you dooOW!"

You release his inner thigh lingeringly and lick the teethmarks you left. Just like you thought, _deliciously_ biteable, and he probably bruises like a dream, too. You bite further up and he squeaks and slaps at your horn, so you decide to _really_ give him something to think about and lick up the slit of his nook.

"FUCK! Oh oh oh oh oh _fuck--_ "

Kankri squirms and whines as you lap at him, spreading his legs wider as you tease him. He tastes like you, which is weird, but not so weird this isn't making you want to pound him right through this dreambubble and into the void beyond any less. You thrust your tongue once to make him yelp before you pull away – or try to, because he's got you by the hair again to keep your face in his crotch.

So you tease him, flicking and fluttering your tongue and never driving it deep no matter how much he grinds against your face. When you can't breathe you pinch one soft inner thigh, hard, and that's enough to make him yelp and loosen his grip. You make a show of licking your lips clean as you pull away. "Figures you're a greedy bitch once I get your pants off."

He balls his hands into fists and glares. "Figures you'd enjoy it, you disgusting, slur-spewing seducer!"

"Of course I do, _my_ fantasies include enthusiastic participation from all involved parties. Speaking of which." You smack his thigh. "Get on your knees and show me how much you want it."

Kankri's eyes narrow dangerously as he pushes himself up. " _Excuse me?_ Do you really expect me to debase myself that way?"

You roll your eyes. "Asks the guy who gets off on being oppressed! Well, here's an answer for you: yes I fucking _do_ expect you to get your face in the dirt and your ass in the air." You pop open the button of your jeans. "You want me up your nook, you have to work for it, asshole."

He huffs. "Of course you'd go for the normative and buy into the role of the dominant partner as penetrator." He watches your fingers tug your zipper down. "I should have expected you wouldn't have the, uh, self-awareness or, I mean, enlightenment, to dominate in any more, uh."

You push your jeans past your hips. "More like you'd last five seconds if I tried to ride you."

"I resent tha-- aah aah _aah_ oh oh OH OH GOD--"

You snatch your hand away from Kankri's bulge before he can erupt, and he whines like a wiggler. "See? No goddamned stamina." You smirk into his face. "Now on your knees, _bitch_."

" _Make me_."

You shrug and grab Kankri by the hair with one hand and by the thigh with another, and for all your pants are around your knees it's an even shorter scuffle than any of the others. It ends with him almost right where you want him. Almost – he's panting and glaring at you murderously and does not look nearly desperate enough. "Behave, Kanrki," you say sweetly, and give his ass a good smack.

He squeaks and splutters but you're too busy watching his ass jiggle to monitor his expression. Hell, you're too busy watching his everything else to give a shit about his prissy face – the hang of his belly, the softness of his thighs, and his really, really smackable ass that is not raised nearly high enough for your liking. You slap him again. "Come on, bulgeslut."

 _"Ah--_ WHAT did you just call m--AH!" Kankri quivers at that smack and squeezes his eyes shut.

"You fucking heard me. Raise your ass, idiot." You smack said ass to punctuate your statement and he twitches. "Or do you like this?" You smack him harder and earn a faint groan. "Yeah, of course you do, being punished for not spreading your legs is oppression, right?" You smack him hard enough he yelps. "That's what gets you wet." Smack. "That's what you jerk it to when being pious gets to be too much, isn't it." _Smack_.

Kankri doesn't lift his head as he gasps, "Nnh. N-no--"

"Are you _lying_ to me?"

He's quiet and still for one, two, three heartbeats, and that's enough answer for you. You give his ass a vicious smack, hard enough to make him cry out. You stroke yourself while you smack him again and again and again, smacking both cheeks until they're as red as his face, until he's whimpering and raising that chubby butt in clear, desperate invitation.

You're feeling a little desperate yourself as you position yourself behind him and stroke your bulge along Kankri's nook. He gasps, "Yes, yes, oppress me _more,_ oh _god_ \--"

That's _it_. You grab his hips and thrust into him and blurt a noise embarrassingly similar to the shriek he makes. He's tight and slick and _hot_ and only thepotential shame of having lasted all of two seconds keeps you from coming right then. You clench it back but he doesn't make it any easier, he's rocking back against you and begging for you to hurt him, punish him.

You clamp your fingers hard enough into Kankri's flesh that he'll have a spectacular set of bruises later and thrust into him again and again and again until you're pounding into him with wet, furious slaps of skin on skin. His gasped words devolve into whimpering cries and he darts a hand in between his legs.

But you can't resist a last little bit of cruelty – you yank his arm back and he wails, indignant and desperate. You laugh through your own gasping and with another wail he tries to wrench his arm away, but you don't let him until that thick, heavy heat in your groin threatens to explode.

The moment you release Kankri's arm he's darting his hand down and jerking himself furiously. His frustrated cries take on an entirely different tenor before he _screams,_ his nook fluttering around you as he quakes and oh fuck it's the best thing you've ever felt, you lose yourself in slamming into him, you're going supernova, oh fuck oh FUCK--

Your ears are ringing as you come back to your hands cupping the hips of the quivering, panting troll pressing his reddened ass against you, to your wobbly legs, to how you feel like you were just hollowed out and refilled with pure, unadulterated _smug_. You look Kankri over, take in how he's buried his head in the crook of his arm and how his ass is still lifted like he wants to be pounded more. "Well, I've certainly been enlightened today!" You rasp a laugh and give his hip a weak slap. "Was this exchange as _stimulating_ for you, too?"

Kankri groans and tightens his arm around his head. He groans in an entirely different way as you rock against him. "I... I... think we'll need to approach this subject again. From. Aah." He breathes a whimper as you squeeze his ass. "A-a different perspective."

"Uh-huh." You pull out abruptly enough to make him gasp. "This means more insufferable babbling on your part, I presume," you say as you grab his pants.

"It means--" Kankri peers over his shoulder and bares his teeth as he sees you wipe your bulge on his trousers. "You horrible, ill-bred little _monster_ \--"

You slap his ass. "Takes one to know one."

" _Hnngh_ \--" Kankri screws up his face and huffs. "ANYhow, by a different perspective I _meant_ that next time I will be dominant."

"Oh like fuck you will." You toss his soiled trousers over his head.

Kankri blurts an indignant sound and paws his pants away. "It's only fair--"

"Are you shitting me?" You shove him sprawling onto his side. "Creampuff, the only thing you can dominate is a conversation."

To your dismay, this only makes him look determined. "Then I will have to play to my strengths and explain to you, at great, hard length, the feeling of peace and satisfaction that comes with having one's shame pounded away."

"Holy shit." He grabs at you and you nearly fall over in your hurry to shuffle out of his reach. "That is the exact opposite of hot, Kankri."

"Is it?" Kankri fixes you with a look. "Considering my loquaciousness was what prompted this new development in our relationship in the first place?"

"Yes, it is, because the hot part was where you were too much of a sloppy mess to make words anymore." You shuffle backward again as he rolls onto his hands and knees.

"But Karkat, if there is one thing I've learned in all my years of educating, it is that you're never going to get anywhere without a bit of _variety_." He moves toward you and you try to lurch away – and of course you fall over. "And without variety," he says as he moves over you, "the exchange of stimulating ideas grows stale." He blinks at you mildly. "What kind of teacher would I be if I allowed that?"

"The same kind of teacher you already are?" You smack at where his hands pull at your jeans. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Why, giving you the benefit of a new perspective," Kankri says sweetly as he captures your hand and presses it against his hardening bulge. "And, perhaps, teaching you a thing or two about oppression."

You are Karkat Vantas, and you're not sure how pleased you are to find out that being a quick learner is a genetic trait of your bloodline.


End file.
